


Jigsaw

by xspike4evax



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 19:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16226141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xspike4evax/pseuds/xspike4evax
Summary: Remus Lupin looks back over his memories as he waits to join Luna, the missing peice of the jigsaw of his life.





	Jigsaw

She had been there the night he had returned to Grimmulad Place covered in dirt and dried blood, his clothes torn and ragged, his body weak and heavy. She had been the first thing he had seen properly after stumbling blindly down the dimly lit corridor, somehow miraculously not waking Mrs Black’s sleeping portrait.

Staggering into the kitchen his blurry vision had picked her out, sitting quietly beside the fire, her legs tucked up beneath her, a book propped open on her knees and her blonde hair hanging over her shoulders. She had looked up when he had entered the kitchen, but she didn’t look even remotely startled at his sudden intrusion into her night time reading. Her large blue eyes had gazed over at him curiously and yet slightly misty at the same time.

He had wanted to say something to her, anything, so she wouldn’t be frightened by his appearance. He had wanted to explain this happened after a transformation, but he hadn’t had the energy. All he was able to do was slide into a crumpled ball on the cold tiles of the floor and concentrate on his breathing in an effort to forget the pain he was in.

She however had been far from frightened at his dirty, bedraggled state. He had watched her through partially opened eyes as she had risen slowly from her seat placing her book on the arm of the chair and crossed the room towards him.

Kneeling beside him she had touched a cool hand to his burning forehead, her voice soft when she had spoken to him, swimming towards him all light and mucical through the haze of darkness and pain. “You’ll be all right, Remus. A nice bath and a good nights sleep and you’ll be right as rain.”

She had helped him to stand. He had felt her thin frame steeling itself, her muscles tighteling to support the weight he couldn’t help but slump on her young shoulders. It never seemed to occur to her to call for Harry, or Arthur Weasley, or anyone who was stronger than her and could have carried him more easily. Instead, she slowly began to half lead and half drag him from the kitchen into the chilly shadows of the hallway and up the creaking stairs. Remus had assumed she would help him to bed and leave him there to come around by himself. He had figured her all wrong from the start.

His eyes sliding in and out of focus she had let him rest against thedoor of the bathroom as she ran a hot bath full of frothing bubbles smelling of lavender. He had been too weak and in too much pain to care at the time, yet afterwards, when he’d had the chance to mull things over the red, hot blush had crept up his neck, into his cheeks and swept right up to his hairline. She had been the one to undress him, slowly and with total precision; her fingers being very careful not to prod at the swollen, bruised skin, and making sure his tattered clothes didn’t catch on open wounds to tear the ripped flesh even more and cause the bleeding to start again.

Popping him into the bath she had proceeded to gently soap his battered body and scrub at his matted hair until all trace of grime and blood had been washed from him and he was newly fresh and smelling of lavender. Now and forever, no matter what would come his way lavender would always remind him of her; of her sweetness, of her gentleness, of her delicate touch and soothing voice.

Sighing heavily Remus shifted his position a little, he had been staring out of the window into the pelting rain for hours. He didn’t do much else these days except sit and stare into thin air quietly going over his own memories. Remus liked to remember, even though it hurt to look back he still liked to do it. In an odd way it made him feel alive again. It made him feel closer to her and that was what he wanted more than anything; to be closer to her, to have her near him again. Without her he felt in incomplete, like a part of him was missing. He had taken up his residence with Harry at Grimmauld Place after the war, he had needed to and Harry had understood. Remus had needed to be in the house he had lived in with her. He needed to be able to walk from room to room and feel at peace as he remembered the laughter and good times they had shared together before the war came; before his life had been blown to bits and his heart had been destroyed.

His fingers absently ran over the even surface of the glass of the photo frame. Glancing down he smiled softly at the picture in his hands. It was him, it was her, it was them. He was sitting in a chair in the kitchen and she was leaning over his shoulders laughing, she would place a kiss against his lips softly and laugh again into the camera her blue eyes sparkling and her blonde hair curling around her face. She hadn’t cared he was older than her. She hadn’t cared that he transformed into a werewolf. She hadn’t cared what anyone had thought and she had been the one to drag him after her; not allowing him to worry over what people would think of him should he start a relationship with her. The hot, stinging tears forming behind his eyes were impossible to ignore or resist. But Remus never resisted, each time he felt the familiar burning he let the clear liquid fall from his eyes, sometimes he felt as though his tears came straight from his heart. “Luna,” he whispered softly, his index finger tracing over the glass protecting their photograph from dust and fluff. Even looking at her sweet, smiling face, remembering the happy times caused a sharp stabbing of pain and grief to pierce his already wounded and fragile heart. Tilting his head against the back of the chair Remus closed his eyes and drifted back in time to a particularly special moment in his life.

 

* * *

 _Remus glanced up from the copy of The Daily Prophet he was reading when he heard soft footsteps entering the drawing room. He smiled easily when he saw it was Luna, her long blonde hair pulled back into a partly falling down bun, her wand tucked behind her ear and a copy of The Quibbler tucked under her arm._ __“Hello, Remus.” She greeted him in her usual lilting voice.__

__“ _ _Hello, Luna,” he replied as she settled herself on the sofa next to him curling herself into a small ball in the corner._ ___

____They seemed to be spending a lot of time around each other since he had stumbled back to the house all injured and tattered. He had managed to mumble his embarrassed thanks to her for cleaning his wounds while keeping his eyes firmly fixed anywhere other than her face. He had found it difficult to move past the fact she had seen him naked._ _Luna to her credit had never mentioned it, she hadn’t even hinted about it, finding herself just as embarrassed as he had been. It hadn’t however stopped her helping him after his transformations. It had become almost routine for them. She would be waiting up for him when he arrived back at the house all bloodied and aching.__ _Each time he came back she would slip her slim arms around his waist and allow him to lean on her while she walked him up the stairs and into the bathroom. Running his bath as usual with the lavender bubble bath Luna had proceeded to wash his hair and tend to his gaping wounds._ __Remus had been thinking about their unusual relationship, the way she told him her secrets and the way he didn’t question it but almost expected it, the way he relied on her without really knowing it when she suddenly broke into his thoughts._ _“___ _

____Remus, how do you know when you're in love?” She questioned, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.__ _ _

___Sighing Remus shrugged. “I don’t think there’s a check list, I think you just know.”_ _ _

____“I think I know.”__ _ _

____Remus shifted slightly in his seat, he was taken by surprise at the feeling of jealousy winding its way through his system at the thought Luna was going to tell him she loved someone who wasn’t him._ _It was in that exact moment he realised his feelings for Luna went deeper than he had first thought. He did in fact look forward to returning to Grimmuald Place all weak and drooping looking for Luna’s quiet voice and soft embrace._ _ _ _

____“Do you?” He wondered shuffling his paper._ _ _ _

___“Yes. I’m in love with you.” Luna told him simply.__ _

____His head shot up in surprise, his jaw hanging open limply as he stared at her with wide astonished eyes. His breathing turned shallow and his mouth turned dry as he tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, hardly daring to believe he was really hearing her saying these words._ _ _ _

____When he didn’t reply Luna asked, “Do you love me, Remus?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes.” He replied throatily, marvelling at the ability she had to speak so openly about her feelings and look so comfortable while she did it.__ _ _

___Luna smiled softly at him, her dimples flickering and her eyes glazed over with a look of contentment. “That’s good.”_ _ _

___H _ _ _e laughed, “Yes, it certainly makes life easier doesn’t it?” Reaching out to her his fingers trailed across her cheek. She was so pretty and fresh with her large, innocent eyes and gently smiling mouth, she made his heart leap in his chest whenever his eyes fell on her._ __Leaning in towards her Remus touched his lips to her lightly. Her eyes fluttered shut as she leant into him sliding her arms around his neck and kissing him back__. ___ _ _

_____* * *_ _ _ _ _

Remus brought his head down to rest on his chest sighing heavily. He missed Luna, he missed her every single day. His heart ached with love for her and his arms ached to hold her. But she wasn’t here, Luna was gone and he was left alone with his memories. Absently his fingers touched his lips and he sniffed back his tears as he remembered the loving, tender kisses she gave him, the hunger and the passion that was inside her for him and the way she held him, as though she would never let him go. But Luna had let him go. She had gone and left him with nothing except his burning love for her which refused to diminish and only grew stronger. Smiling Remus remembered the day when his intense feelings had gotten the better of him despite the promises he had made to himself not to let things between him and Luna go too far. He hadn’t wanted Luna to regret her time with him should something happen during the war to separate them.

 

_____* * *_ _ _ _ _

______Half asleep Remus wiggled about in his bed, the chill of the house seemed to deepen as the night wore on. He needed to get to sleep, he had a lot of work to do for the Order in the m _ _ _ _ _ _orning. Grumbling under his breath he pulled the blanket further over his shoulder._ __He was focusing on his breathing so much in an effort to lull himself to sleep at the rhythmic sound that he wasn’t aware of the bedroom door opening or the light footsteps crossing to the bed. He only realised someone was in the room when he heard the bed sheets rustle and felt the bed sink slightly behind him._ _Twisting round quickly Remus was so shocked to find Luna beside him that he was momentarily lost for words. He hadn’t needed to look for words, words he found weren’t really needed between them, Luna leant towards him and kissed him softly. Her kiss told him more than her words ever could and seeming as she had come to him Remus decided to ignore all the promises he had made to himself._ _______ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Easing her onto her back Remus ran his fingers through her hair. “Luna,” he whispered against her lips, “Are you sure?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“With you I’m always sure.” Luna replied her voice shaking with nerves. “Promise…” she managed to mumble in between his kisses.__ _“__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Of course, what is it?” He wondered trailing tiny kisses across her chin to her throat._ __L__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________una bit her bottom lip apprehensively, “Promise you won’t hurt me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Balancing on his elbow over her Remus nodded, “Of course I won’t Luna, I couldn’t hurt you for the world. I ….” He trailed off when he spotted the nervous fright in her eyes and he realised what she was trying to tell him. “Oh, Luna… I’m not sure about this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________She smiled sweetly at him. “I’m sure enough for both of us.”__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Her assurance made him feel better, it eased his conscious somewhat, but it did nothing to calm the crazy beating of hi _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _s heart and the swirling intense feelings spiralling through his body at being close to her, at knowing he was going to be as close to her as he ever could be._ __His hands had been trembling magnets drawn to her silky skin, and his nerves had been jumping uncontrollably at the knowledge of what he was going to do, but it didn’t stop him, she didn’t stop him, only encouraged him.__ _That first night with Luna was a night that would live on in his memory always, the details always the same, the vision never becoming blurred. Her complete faith and trust in him and the way she loved him easily, with no second thoughts and not one single worry always had the ability to make the muscles in his chest tighten._ ____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________** *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Remus flexed his fingers over the arm of the chair remembering how smooth and soft her skin had felt beneath his hands. He remembered how she had felt pressed against him, how her body had responded to him and the words of love she had whispered to him. Ruffling his hair he turned his attention back to the rain splattered window, he liked the rain these days, the rivulets running down the pane of glass seemed to mirror the glittering trail of tears that ran down his face every day. He spent his time these days thumbing through his memories. They were all he had now and he couldn’t help but feel unbelievably cheated. Just at the time of his life when he thought he had everything he could ever want, when he loved someone who loved him back fate had once again thrown him a curve.

The war had come, despite Luna’s promise that no war could enter into their world, it still had. They had both been there on the day of the final battle fighting beside Harry as they were meant to do. Remus had tried to keep Luna away from the battle grounds but it hadn’t been possible, she had insisted on fighting as well and he wished he had fought her harder. But he had never found it easy to say no to Luna. Remus always gave into her no matter what she asked for because he wanted her to be happy. He loved her to distraction and no matter what she wanted he gave her.

Blame rested heavily in his chest over Luna. He still believed over a year later that if he had been firmer with Luna then she would still be here with him, sharing his life as they had planned. But she wasn’t here, she was gone from his life and was, apparently, according to her, waiting for him in the next one. He didn’t like to think of Luna’s last minutes. He didn’t like remembering seeing her lying there on the ground her blonde hair spilling over her shoulders and tumbling over the dirt. Her eyes were closed and her face was smooth and pale. She somehow managed to look beautiful and elegant as she lay there her wand held loosely in her hand and her chest stilled.

Remus couldn’t remember that particular moment, he couldn’t bare re-living the moment when his heart cracked in two and his life shrivelled before his eyes. When all his hopes and dreams died away and all he could see was a vast, black cavernous hole where Luna should have been. Luna had told him once that she wasn’t sad about her mother’s death as she knew she would see her again. It was that conversation which gave Remus a little hope, he believed he would see Luna again in the next life where she was waiting for him to join her.

As far as Remus was concerned that day couldn’t come quick enough for him. He’d had enough of waiting around in this life that held no charm for him anymore. All he wanted was to see Luna again, to hold her close to him, inhale the familiar scent of her and kiss the velvety softness of her lips. All the sparkle had left his life. When Luna went she took everything with her and Remus couldn’t really be bothered with anyone or anything. He just felt as though he were hanging around with no purpose, she was the missing piece of the jigsaw of his life and now his whole reason for living had gone.

Today, on the anniversary of her passing, Remus had decided he had waited long enough to see her again and had taken matters into his own hands. The goblet stood on the window sill, he had drained it of its contents a few hours ago and now he felt the green liquid seeping through his veins; slowly draining him of life. He was feeling drowsy now, his limbs felt heavy, but at the same time he felt light and free, as though a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

A soft sigh escaped his lips as his head drooped to the side and his eyes fluttered shut. “I’m coming, Luna,” he whispered as a darkness began to creep over him.

* * *

“I’m here Remus, just like I said I would be.” Luna smiled serenely at him. She looked just the same as she had the last time he had seen her and Remus felt all his happy feelings sweeping over him again. As usual Luna had been right, she had said to him that love didn’t die but just kept going on and on through time and from life to life. He knew she was right because he could feel it, his love for her and her love for him. He had joined her at last and left his earth life behind.

Strangely enough he didn’t feel his body, all he felt was feelings, strong, pure feelings of love wrapping around him making him feel happy and safe. He was contented now he was with Luna and Remus knew everything would be all right with this life he was living now, because the huge gaping hole had been filled. Luna was there beside him, loving him as she had always done. There was nothing better than being close to someone you loved knowing they loved you back and not just for one life time, but for all eternity. That’s what it was with him and Luna now, eternity, from their life to the after life. They would be together always and Remus knew all his sad feelings were gone, there would be no more tears and no more grief. Luna was there with him now and she was all he needed to be happy and complete.

 


End file.
